R-tarded sayings.

Ok, I decided to make this post thingy all about retarded sayings. Cuz seriously some of the things my mom says every day, I DO NOT GET. For instance:

"I can't win for losing." WELL DUH. You lose you moron! You can't win for losing. That is stupid. Who even thought of... Ok forget I said that, I don't want to know. Loser o.o

Next! "I'm under the weather." What??? How can you be under the weather? Argh. That is so idiotic there's only one explination. It was created via myspace. YOU KNOW IT!

"Kill two birds with one stone." Ok I get this one, but why? Why birds? What'd birds ever do to you? Oh, I can see the future. Every time somebody says this in 2087, they'll get a drive-by pie-to-the-face, courtesy of a random animal rights activist.

"A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush." WHAT IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN? And what is it with birds?!? A bird... in the hand. Ok, who's holding birds? Is worth two in the bush. Well, birds tend to live in bushes, so wouldn't it be you catch the bird FROM the bush. So its in the bush first. "A bird in the bush bites you on the hand."? Wait do birds bite or peck? Dude I just confused myself.

"A diamond is forever." Just one thing to say. Its forever...Unless you drop it IN THE TOILET! Dun dun dunnnn.

"Bright eyed and bushy tailed." ...I don't wanna know.

"Liar liar, pants on fire." Ok, when I lie (because everybody does --- don't deny it, liar!) my pants are clearly not on fire. Nor burned. But if anybody ever, EVER set me on fire because I lied, I would... Ok well I would probably die. But if they MISSED, then I would beat them to the ground with a shovel and force-feed them tofu. That's the way I roll.

Another fire one: "Play with fire, you wind up burned." Well duh. Unless you're wearing a fire proof suit or something. Dude... Awesome.

"The proof is in the pudding." NO, THE PUDDING LIES.

"Funner* than a barrel full of monkeys." In my opinion (and I fricken love monkeys), a barrel full of them would not be very fun. They'd mess all on eachother and get mad and bite you when they wanted out. Then, feeding them. That would be awful. Just throw a nanner in and hope all your limbs come out in tact, soldier.

xoxo, Shannon.

Monkeys = love.